This month I would like to deal with a problem which is quite common, but not often discussed as the victims of pathological jealousy often hide their suffering from others - even in their own family. Pathological jealousy occurs in both sexes although this letter comes from a woman whose husband is pathologically jealous.
Dear DR AJ
I am married to a man who makes my life an absolute misery and I do not know what to do about it! He watches my every move. If I go out shopping he asks me endless questions about where I have been and who I spoke to. He calls me a liar when I tell him and accuses me of having an affair. If I visit my mother or other family I dare not come home later after dark. The other night he made me strip and then examined my underwear to see if I had been with another man. I still love him as he is very good to me when he is not so suspicious and I am sure he loves me, but I cannot take his jealousy anymore. Please help me. Just lately he has taken to hitting me when he thinks I am lying. I have never spoken about this to anyone before and now I do not think they will believe me as he is always so good to me when there are other people present.
Dear Trapped
The description you give of your husband is characteristic of pathological or delusional jealousy. I would advise any person conducting a courtship to note the warning signs of this condition. The person will shower gifts on you, send copious love letters and flamboyant cards. Do not mistake possessiveness for attentiveness.
The jealousy will slowly emerge into the open, but will not present itself openly usually until after marriage. Then it becomes progressively worse until to all, but the victim it would seem ludicrous. This is in fact nothing to laugh at as the pathologically jealous spouse or partner will eventually be capable of violence in one form or another. Our legal case books are full of cases of violence, even murder, perpetrated by the pathologically jealous.
